So I went out to the bar a week and a half ago, and some Chinese guy got his nose broken on my pants.

No, it didn't have anything to do with me - the guy worked at Kai Bar and was trying to escort out an unruly foreigner when the guy sucker punched him in the nose.

So of course, I waited until all the fracas was over and went to try and help the fuyuan - and that was when he bled all over the only good, heavy pair of pants I have left in this city.

Luckily for me, Dan Buck was on the case. He Googled blood stain removal and found a plethora of cheap, affordable options for me to recover the pants - and so, without further ado, here is Bono's SureFire Blood Removal Formula:

• Step 1: DO NOT PUT HOT WATER ON THE BLOODSTAIN! Hot water will cause the proteins in blood to set the stain permanently, and then you're just screwed.
• Step 2: Spit all over the bloodstain. I'm serious. Just spit all over it, as much spit as you can get. It's better if you don't brush your teeth first. The enzymes in your spit will break down the proteins in the blood, preventing it from staining permanently.
• Step 3: Wait. You should be able to see the bloodstains start breaking down almost immediately, if you followed Step 1 religiously.
• Step 4: Scrub the stain with a toothbrush and bar soap. Make sure you don't use hot water, and really give it a good rubdown. You can go ahead and spit all over it, too. Make sure you get the spatter as well as the cast-off, and really give it a good once-over with the bar soap.
• Step 5: Wash as usual. Make sure you wash them in cold water and use plenty of detergent. When you pull them out, your bloodstains should be gone!

My pants are looking good as new - or at least, the bloodstains are out. Now I just have to work on all of the other stains.